Another Complication
Long time no Blog =)).
I’m rant about something. CAUTION: Highly emotional and sentimental Post. Watch out..
Aright, so, lately, I’ve been very Bi-Polar. I’m happy one second. Then, the next. I feel like my world is just about to explode right infront of my face. There are times when I look up into the night sky, while sitting in our unlit veranda, and just start crying my eyes out. There are time where I want to cry, but no tears fall. And there are those times, when I just find myself staring into space with tears streaming down my cheeks. I keep telling myself that, ‘maybe there’s something completely and terribly wrong with you, Katrina’. And maybe there is something wrong with my brain. But, whatever it is. It hurts. A lot.
I can be quite unbearable..And it truly. TRULY hurts. I don’t think I’m strong enough. That’s just it. I’m not strong enough for anything right now. I feel so damn vulnerable, all the time. Like at any moment, one person can just say the slightlest thing and I’m going to break down. I’m going to pour what’s left of my heart. Because, As of now. I have no heart. I was too busy giving pieces of my heart to people I knew I couldn’t trust. Little by little they destroyed me. Although I cannot blame them. This is my own doing. I brought this to myself. I was so stupid. I am stupid. PERIOD.
I’ve asked my parents several times for a Shrink.. Because, YES, I KNOW I NEED ONE. I’m going insane with all these emotions. I’m a complete and total nut job as of the moment. So, yes, I need a shrink. But, no. They don’t listen. I hide all these emotions inside. I bottle it up and leave it in there and dwell about those facts. Those unbearable facts. The past. The present. And the future.
What the hell am I? Who am I? What is wrong with me? I do not understand at all. I love to the fullest but, I always love the wrong people. Yes, all the wrong people. But, again, I can’t blame them. And, again, I blame myself. Can’t I just be heartless, or at least Cold hearted? Why not? Is it that bad. Am I that screwed up? I doubt it.. then again, I may be wrong. I may be the lousiest, bitchiest, moodiest, most complicated person in the world. I may.. But, I’m not so sure.
Although, I’ve made so many mistakes already. Mistakes that destroyed me. Mistakes that scarred me for like. Mistakes that took away valuable pieces of me. I rock :|. Yes. I do.. I can’t stand this anymore. I should probably just slither away. Everyone would be better off. Am I not right? YOU would. HE would. THEY would. SHE would. Oh God.
Whatever. I’m ending this here. Sleep. I need it. It needs me. Goodbye.
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So, out of boredom. I made a blog :).
Okay, so, to clear things up I am not Emo. These blogs are basically a way to get things out of my system and they’re made for realization purposes :)). In short, I think a lot and I have no way to express the thoughts. :)) So, tonight, incidentlly, I desided to make a blog. Horrah! :)). Personally, I don’t like blogs. But, I made one :O. Because, No one actually reads blogs :)). Except people you’re close to.. Or people who have nothing better to do. At least.. That’s how I see it.
As you can see, I’m a very opinionated person. Some people find me overly aggressive but, Hey, that’s who I am. I’m frank and I tend to say things without thinking. So, I do apologize for further blogs that may be mean. Because, I am a mean person. Haha. At least, I’m mean when I want to be mean. Haha.
Oh, and to caution you, I’m extremely profound on certain subjects. It can sound extremely disorienting at points because.. well, because it’s based on opinion. I have no right to say I am right, but it is the way I see things. Correct me if I’m wrong but, as far as I know it’s just an opinion. As I said, I’m opinionated to the highest level.
Other than that, I may be hypocritical at times because.. I’m not perfect. I talk about stuff that I find incredibly stupid or annoying or unacceptable and yet other people still do these things but if you know me well enough, I would have done or I am doing the same thing. Or, I tend to make a rant blog about something or someone or about whatever happened, I say I hate this, I hate that, I love this, I love that.. And then after a few days, weeks, months, I completely disagree with myself. Yes, I am that type of person. So, bare with me if you ever take the time to read this soulfully pathetic blog of mine.
OH! And, before I forget. I am an extremely insecure, self-loathing, little girl. Well, no, not really self-loathing.. And, I’m not really a little girl. I’m 14. that’s about a decade and a half of life but, I think more than I should.. So, I’m mature in some ways and immature in others. We all are. Haha. I am also very very sensitive. Yes, I am. I’ve accepted that. And, I am one of the many who abhor the screwed whatevers of life or life in particular. I hate life. If you agree, I commend you, life only gets worse and worse. Though, of course, there are points in life where it isn’t that bad. But then, after a while, it goes back to being screwed.
Hmm. What else.. Oh, I remember now. I am an optimist most of the time. Though, I can come up with the most pessimistic thoughts when I feel like breaking the positive thinking scam. Haha.
That’s all I have to say. For now. The rest.. Well, we just have to wait for the next few blogs I make. Haha. Aight aight. I’m out :D.
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BLOG! =)). I posted My first serious blog kanina. READ IT! =)). Haha.
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